Skin Deep

3 weeks post-op

Like most people who are overweight, I would think to myself “If I lost weight, I would look like so-and-so” or “once I lose weight, I’m going to get into that bikini.” Little did I know, losing weight was going to be only half my battle. Excess skin is the #1 plague of any individual who loses a massive amount of weight. Luckily, I had blinders on for that fact, because if I had known the journey ahead of me, I may have chickened out and just decided to stay the way that I was for the rest of my life. Sometimes I feel like having the excess skin is worse than the weight. At least when I was heavy, I was proportional. But then I remember the energy I have, and the support system that sticks with me through everything. I remember that I have the courage to get through more than I could imagine.
Researching plastic surgeons was never something I thought I would be doing. Part of me felt vain. I would say to myself, “You lost the weight – shouldn’t you be happy the way that you are?” and “You are so selfish to finally be at a weight you are happy with and still look in the mirror and be unhappy about what you see.” It took my close friends and family to remind me that sometimes working really hard deserves a reward, and if you trip up and become discouraged with something, it can cause you to relapse and give it up altogether. I thought of the money I was saving with medical expenses. I thought of all the money I already saved by living healthy. That’s when I decided that step by step, I need to have the excess skin removed.

For several reasons, I decided that the top half of my body is where I should start. Same as washing a car and washing in the shower. Always start at the top. So I decided: arms and breasts. 2 surgeries, the same amount of recovery time. Also, with our wedding looming a year a half away, I figured the scarring would be less scary looking and everything else (tummy specifically) could be hidden in a girdle under a wedding dress. Arms, however; there is no girdle for that one. And I’ve always envisioned a strapless gown for myself.

Once I decided what type of surgery I wanted, it was time to research surgeons to do it. Researching a plastic surgeon is scary, even in New York where we have nice laws that protect us (unlike some states, such as Florida). All these websites tell you to make sure you feel comfortable with the surgeon, that there is a lot of experience, and that the pricing covers aftercare and anesthesia fees, etc. And then several of the surgeons charge fees to even evaluate you and see if you are a good candidate. I paid $50 to one surgeon just for him to tell me that he isn’t as qualified as the first surgeon I seen and I should go with Dr. Bruce Cusenz. I did appreciate his honesty, though. I have to give him that!

I’m sure that everyone will be highly amused to find out that the main reason for selecting Dr. Cusenz to do my surgery was his neat and tidy handwriting… Alek and I agreed that anyone whose living is earned by keeping a VERY STEADY hand should have nice handwriting. That surgeon who took my $50 and told me to go with Cusenz too? … his handwriting was AWFUL and he wrote in lazy shorthand!! If his hand didn’t have the stamina to write full sentences, how could he adequately perform surgery?! So there it was: I had decided.

Desperate to make sure I got a Friday surgery date like I wanted, I called Dr. Cusenz’s office and paid a $525 deposit to secure March 2nd, 2012. It was crazy of me to do: I didn’t even know if I would be financed and I already let go of $525 “wedding dollars” through me and Alek’s joint account that I didn’t know I would get back if I was denied personal loans.

On my drive home that day, I was sweating from thinking about how I was going to tell Alek that we paid a deposit on a surgery we didn’t know if we could afford. I’m the impulsive one – he’s the logical one. I had imagined it in my head: once we were eating dinner, I would casually say, “so, I really wanted to make sure I had the surgery on a Friday, and I really needed to let work know what days I’m going to be gone, so I put a $525 deposit on my surgery.” Alek was still cooking dinner when I got home. Even though I had played it through my head, I walked into the front door, into the kitchen and said, “I did something really dumb and put a big deposit down on my surgery today. And it’s non-refundable!” Alek stood up from putting pork chops in the oven, shrugged, and said, “So? It goes towards the cost of the surgery, right?” Of course it did. That was when I officially gave up trying to predict Alek’s reaction to situations.

I breathed a huge sigh of relief when I was financed for the surgery at $200/month - for several years. This is the price that people who experience a huge weight loss pay. It's a shame that health insurance companies don't pick up any of the tab. What's even more upsetting is the knowledge that if I had decided to go through with gastric bypass (although I never really considered it), skin removal would be covered.

The weeks leading up to my surgery were a blur - I cleaned the house like mad woman and prepared movies and handheld games to keep myself occupied through my recovery. I even set up a "group" on my phone of people Alek needed to text once I was out of surgery. I bought tons of protein shakes and placed everything I would need within reach of the recliner we put in the downstairs living room.

I was surprisingly calm when I arrived at the surgery center. I was quickly called back to the surgical preparation area and donned a surgical gown and anti-embolism stockings. My surgeon came in and drew all over me and the staff put a "mood sticker" on my forehead. The surgical team who would be working on me came over and introduced themselves (there were 8 of them!) and after answering many, many questions, I was finally wheeled into the operating room (after kissing Alek goodbye, of course!). I recall moving myself onto the operating table and then having a mask put over my face. I was told "breathe deep 3 times." I breathed once, twice, and then a third time.... and then everything went dark.

Anti-embolism stockings. I wore these for a week!

I woke up (what I felt was) 2 seconds later and immediately read my vitals. My blood pressure was good and my heart rate was good. But I was VERY nauseous. I didn't even know if there was anyone around who could hear me, but I cleared my throat and said, "I'm nauseous!" - a nurse came immediately and gave me something for it. I looked around the best I could and noticed a woman in a bed next to me who didn't come out of anesthesia yet. Shortly after waking, my surgeon came in and said, "I removed enough skin to make a briefcase! You did well, but your left arm gave us some trouble. You started to bleed too much so we had to close you up quick."

I didn't quite understand what that would mean to me, but I was still feeling sick and groggy. I was anxious to see Alek. Luckily, I didn't wait much longer before I was wheeled into another room where Alek quickly came in and looked me over. He asked how I felt frequently and my answer was always, "nauseous." A nurse came in and gave me benedryl and moved me to an upright chair. I fell asleep in the chair.

I'm not sure how long it was, but eventually I was able to get dressed and head home. I fell asleep during the car ride and vaguely remember walking myself into the house and plopping directly into the recliner and falling asleep again. I slept most of day and stayed awake only for 10 minute increments of "How I Met Your Mother" before falling back to sleep. We had a small scare the first time Alek emptied my drains (I had 4 total). They were mostly blood and I was faint from the anesthesia still. I watched as he poured my blood into the cup and felt my face turn white and my whole body became clammy. My world started to go black and I felt Alek catch me and prop me onto the toilet. We developed 2 rules after that: 1. I was to sit in the toilet while Alek emptied my drains and 2. I wasn't allowed to look at my drains while they were being emptied.

The biggest annoyance was having the drains. They needed to be emptied a couple times a day and I had to wear clothing that buttoned or zipped. Alek joked that the liquid looked like "unicorn piss" and that I was "the Kool-aid Man" but took care of me regardless. Everyday he washed my hair and helped me clean up. He made me breakfast every morning and made sure I had access to quick meals and protein shakes while he was at school or work.

I had several visitors during my recovery - which was great as I am easily bored! I am VERY thankful to the people who sent me flowers, came to visit with balloons (or without balloons - I just appreciated the company!!), and sent me texts/Facebook messages asking how I was feeling. I am so very lucky to be surrounded by so many amazing people!

I am disappointed to mention that due to my left arm "mis-behaving" during surgery, it seems that a revision surgery will be needed to make my left and right arms symmetrical. Due to the bloating and bleeding, the surgeon was not able to match my skin as well as my right arm so there is still a bit of access "jiggle" in my left arm.

Even with this set-back, I would still do it again because I'm worth it and I worked hard for it!