Day-Of Emergency Bridal Kit Creation

Okay, so it won't be the most interesting blog entry I've done to-date; however I needed to shed some light on just how monotonous and time-consuming (we won't even talk $$ because that's another ball of wax) weddings are.

I am an avid self-diagnosed class-A procrastinator. It's terrible. But 2 years ago, when Alek and I were first engaged, I made one huge yet simple promise to myself: "I will do whatever I can, as soon as I can, to prevent myself from turning into bridezilla in the weeks prior to the wedding or, even worse, having to drop details or ideas simple because I didn't start them soon enough."

Which brings us to why, with 11 months to go before the wedding I am making paper flowers pomanders (got the idea from Pinterest - starting to think the App should be blocked from my phone!!), putting together escort cards, and making my day-of emergency bridal kit.

Maybe this is a phenomenon for the modern bride with an iPhone App that is assisting with wedding planning, but I get a huge kick out of crossing something off my "to-do" list and virtually watching it disappear! So being in for a cheap thrill, i.e. an easy check-off, I opted to purchase everything for the emergency day-of kit thinking it would be a 10 minute stroll through Wal-Mart. Of course, I was wrong.

First of all, I did my homework and googled all of the top lists of recommendations for bridal kits and then formulated a combination of my own list through an App called "Easy Note." As described, it's a super simple interface that allows you to add items "to-do" and then tap to complete them.

The adorable roll-up tote I bought on sale from TheKnot.com for $15:



Here is the list I formulated:

- Mini Sewing Kit
- Bandaids
- Mouthwash
- Listerine Breath Strips
- Nail File
- Krazy Glue
- Oil Blotters
- Dental Floss
- Hair Ties
- Bobby Pins
- Eye Drops (redness relief)
- Chapstick
- Lighter/matches
- Comb
- Hair Brush
- Small Mirror
- Lint Roller
- Tampons
- Clear Nail Polish
- Hand Lotion
- Q-tips
- Hair Spray
- Kleenex
- Wet Wipes
- Static Guard
- Wrinkle Releaser
- Baby Powder
- Corn Starch
- Blister Prevention
- Tylenol
- Ibuprofen
- Gas-X
- Acid Relief
- Contact Solution
- Deodorant
- Safety Pins
- Corsage Pins
- Drinking Straws
- Tweezers
- Earring Backs
- Pantyhose
- Cotton Balls

1 1/2 hours later, Alek and I reach the register and are taking jabs at the total cost for all of the mini versions of the items listed above. He guesses $35 and I guessed $75. Our total was $69.65. I had an unfair advantage as I was keeping tally as I placed items in the cart and Alek had to guess based on appearance.

When we got home, I unwrapped any excess packaging such as display cardboard and made a hilarious attempt at stuffing all the items into the roll up bag. After some shifting into different compartments and putting soft items only into the flap area, I have a nice rolled ball of emergency items!




Hopefully no one has to move the bag around too much - not too sure how strong the Velcro is!!!

Kim, trying to make my life more simplistic as always, said "Those are things that some women are bound to have in their purses - I would just ask around rather than put all the work into a kit." Normally, I would agree... But I'm preferring to invest the time now so I'm not scrambling later! ;)

Saying "Yes" to My Wedding Dress!

The disadvantage to having a 3 year engagement is the amount of time you have to think and then over-think the definition of your "dream wedding." For the first 2 years of our engagement, I was told it was "too soon" to really dig into the details so I mostly tried to pretend that it didn't exist. Aside from physically saving up money, life was the same as it was before we were engaged. Once we (finally) hit the 1-year mark before the wedding day, I gave myself full permission to go into planning mode!


Before I continue, I should address the "elephant in the room" and briefly talk about the disappointment of deciding to not have our destination wedding in Cancun. We were told that the resort would help us put together the wedding of our dreams. We were supposed to talk to one wedding coordinator for the duration of our planning period and this person would also be on-site for the entire event. As it turned out, most of the time it's too good to be true!


During the Cancun Wedding planning process, I was informed that chair rentals for just the ceremony on the beach ran $8/chair and the dance floor was $638. Table decor and set-up was $300/table and the nickel and dime-ing continued from there. My frustrations began to mount and upon discussing my cake options (chocolate, vanilla, or cheesecake) I finally asked myself, "Is this what I really envisioned?" The sinking feeling in my stomach got worse and worse. Finally, Alek and I discussed our options and decided to keep the wedding in the Buffalo area and dive into planning!


A feeling came over me that I didn't expect: excitement! I felt like a BRIDE! I hadn't realized it until that point; but I never let myself get excited about the Cancun Wedding because there was so much that could go wrong. I couldn't rationalize the full ball gown I always envisioned as a little girl because Cancun is so hot and muggy, so I settled on finding a tea-length wedding dress. Then I was flooded with the creative ideas I kept turning off in my head because they would be too difficult to plan from afar. I thought I was the only one feeling this way until Alek took my hand and looked at me with a big smile on his faced and asked, "Is it bad that I'm excited about this? I'm sorry Cancun didn't work out, but for the first time this all feels real."


Now, let's get back to wedding dress shopping!! And no worries - there are no spoilers here! "THE" Dress is not pictured!


To keep within my budget, I decided to start with David's Bridal for my first boutique. I called a month ahead of time and secured a Tuesday appointment so that things weren't too hectic. June 19th, to be exact! I cleared the date with my Mom, my MOH (Monica) and my Bridesmaid (Jessica). I even took the day off from work!


It was the Thursday before the Tuesday appointment, and I was having dinner with my Mom and Alek at a local Chinese Buffett. I had received several Emails during the week about a huge semi-annual sale at David's Bridal, but the sale was ending the day before my appointment. To be sure I could get the pricing, I called David's Bridal and asked a sales associate if they would honor any sales pricing a day later. On the phone, I was told they would. But during dinner, I got a funny feeling that told me perhaps the sales associate was misinformed. I asked Alek and my Mom if they would mind stopping at David's Bridal since we were close and just re-check in person.


I gave my gut instinct a high-five as the sales manager apologized to me and said while she couldn't honor the sales pricing the day after, she would happily move my appointment to an earlier date. I completely understood the situation as I realize it's a franchise and pricing isn't determined by individual stores. The manager also gave me the opportunity to try on a couple dresses that day and come back Saturday as well!


My inner princess twirled with excitement! I had been counting down the days until I could finally try on gowns and now it's happening 3 days sooner than planned! Luckily, I was already wearing a strapless bra, however; my shamrock socks made the footwear situation interesting! I felt a little sad that Monica and Jess weren't there, but I soothed my guilt by telling my Mom and Alek that no final choices were to be made until Saturday (the earliest!).


I never intended Alek to be with us for dress shopping, but I wasn't bothered by his presence. He's always been honest about how I look in clothes and he's been known to tell me an outfit I was wearing looked silly. I so enjoyed dress shopping with him on that Thursday, that I also asked him to come back with us on Saturday!


The first dress I tried on was one I had book-marked in magazines and iPhone Apps. I was so sure that it would be "THE ONE!"

The First Dress I Tried On!

The sales associate, Karen, helped me into my first-ever wedding dress and I shuffled outside to my on-lookers. My Mom LOVED the dress and didn't want me to try on any others. Alek also nodded and said I looked beautiful. I liked the dress, but I wasn't prepared to stop at the first dress I tried on. Also - the dress was HEAVY!!! I tried to see myself wearing it for an entire day and I just couldn't. 

The Second Dress - Vera Wang's "White" Collection

Karen had asked me to describe my perfect gown, and I immediately said "ball gown!! The bigger the better!!" She came back quickly with the gown and helped me into it. I walked out, and was again told I looked beautiful (isn't Alek so wonderful??) but I couldn't see ME! All of the hard work at the gym was hidden under what felt like a TON of fabric. I felt like my radius was about 4 feet!

The Third Dress - also Vera Wang!

David's Bridal associates called this one the "fern" dress. The fabric was so light and airy and gave me such a wonderful shape! It became a contender to be "THE" dress! Check out the back!!!

Buttons all the way down! Gorgeous!!

And then there was the final dress I tried on Thursday night - the dress that completely added to the confusion and became the 2nd contender to the "THE" dress! Jess later (on Saturday) nick-named this one the "buttercream cupcake" dress.

Buttercream Cupcake!

I walked out of the bridal boutique very confused! I never thought I would be the bride stuck between 2 dresses! My Mom and Alek tried not to sway me, but I knew that I wasn't going to decide anything until Saturday. Monica and Jess would certainly help me out with this decision!


The next day, after sleeping on those 2 dresses dancing around my head, I decided I should try on MORE dresses! There was just one dress out there for me, and I shouldn't have to choose between 2. There is a dress out there that would blow the other 2 out of the water! My Mom didn't agree - she told me she was already too confused! I made a list of additional dresses I wanted to try on at my appointment on Saturday.


Saturday finally arrived and me, Alek, and the ladies were ready to rock! This time I had my heals and headpiece with me too! We also had an adorable little addition to my posse: Avie (Jessica's 9 month old)! Alek took on the role as baby wrangler and the girls really focused on helping me find "THE" dress!

Avie!

Isn't she adorable?!

Don't worry - Alek had a blast watching Avie! She's such a great baby!!

 

This was the first dress I tried on for Saturday's session! This dress was so forgettable that if Monica hadn't taken pictures of me in it, I wouldn't have remembered trying it on!!! 

The next dress was "THE" dress!!!! And every dress afterwards was compared to "THE" dress! No pictures here, though!!! 

Dress Three 

Dress Three

The third dress was actually picked out by Jess - and had I not been comparing every dress to "THE" dress, this one would have been a contender! The shape was flattering and it had the ball gown feel without being overwhelming in size, but it just wasn't "THE" dress!

The Fourth "Feather" Dress

The feather dress was fun and flattering - not to sound like a broken record, but it wasn't "THE" Dress!! 

The Spanish Dress

This one was brand new to David's Bridal and was drop-waist (which didn't do anything for my figure). I had no problem nixing this one!

I felt huge in this one!

I felt like the lace-up back made my rear look HUGE! 

Me in the "buttercream cupcake" Dress!

Just to make sure I still loved "THE" dress, I tried on the 2 dresses that had me confused on Thursday. I suddenly didn't like the Buttercream Cupcake Dress as much! 

Me in the "Fern" Dress!

Same deal for the "Fern" dress - it was pale in comparison to "THE" Dress! 

As a finale, I put "THE" Dress back on and felt my smile from ear to ear. Other brides and associates kept walking by and commenting on how great I looked! My Mom loved the dress and all were in agreement - I had found my dress!! Karen handed me a bell and I rang it and everyone in the shop clapped! It was a wonderful feeling!! To make matters even better, my Mom handed me an envelope with cash that paid for the entire dress!! I felt like the luckiest girl in the world! 

Above all else, I am so happy I trusted my gut and didn't try to decide between 2 dresses! I would also like to call attention to how different I look in the dresses in comparison to the size 2 models! I am relieved I wasn't tempted to purchase my dress online. 

I have been asked if it bothers me that Alek knows what dress I'm wearing - my answer is: Not At All!! He's my best friend and the one whose opinion really matters on our wedding day. 

As for seeing "THE" Dress - you'll just have to wait til the big day!!! 

Skin Deep

3 weeks post-op

Like most people who are overweight, I would think to myself “If I lost weight, I would look like so-and-so” or “once I lose weight, I’m going to get into that bikini.” Little did I know, losing weight was going to be only half my battle. Excess skin is the #1 plague of any individual who loses a massive amount of weight. Luckily, I had blinders on for that fact, because if I had known the journey ahead of me, I may have chickened out and just decided to stay the way that I was for the rest of my life. Sometimes I feel like having the excess skin is worse than the weight. At least when I was heavy, I was proportional. But then I remember the energy I have, and the support system that sticks with me through everything. I remember that I have the courage to get through more than I could imagine.
Researching plastic surgeons was never something I thought I would be doing. Part of me felt vain. I would say to myself, “You lost the weight – shouldn’t you be happy the way that you are?” and “You are so selfish to finally be at a weight you are happy with and still look in the mirror and be unhappy about what you see.” It took my close friends and family to remind me that sometimes working really hard deserves a reward, and if you trip up and become discouraged with something, it can cause you to relapse and give it up altogether. I thought of the money I was saving with medical expenses. I thought of all the money I already saved by living healthy. That’s when I decided that step by step, I need to have the excess skin removed.

For several reasons, I decided that the top half of my body is where I should start. Same as washing a car and washing in the shower. Always start at the top. So I decided: arms and breasts. 2 surgeries, the same amount of recovery time. Also, with our wedding looming a year a half away, I figured the scarring would be less scary looking and everything else (tummy specifically) could be hidden in a girdle under a wedding dress. Arms, however; there is no girdle for that one. And I’ve always envisioned a strapless gown for myself.

Once I decided what type of surgery I wanted, it was time to research surgeons to do it. Researching a plastic surgeon is scary, even in New York where we have nice laws that protect us (unlike some states, such as Florida). All these websites tell you to make sure you feel comfortable with the surgeon, that there is a lot of experience, and that the pricing covers aftercare and anesthesia fees, etc. And then several of the surgeons charge fees to even evaluate you and see if you are a good candidate. I paid $50 to one surgeon just for him to tell me that he isn’t as qualified as the first surgeon I seen and I should go with Dr. Bruce Cusenz. I did appreciate his honesty, though. I have to give him that!

I’m sure that everyone will be highly amused to find out that the main reason for selecting Dr. Cusenz to do my surgery was his neat and tidy handwriting… Alek and I agreed that anyone whose living is earned by keeping a VERY STEADY hand should have nice handwriting. That surgeon who took my $50 and told me to go with Cusenz too? … his handwriting was AWFUL and he wrote in lazy shorthand!! If his hand didn’t have the stamina to write full sentences, how could he adequately perform surgery?! So there it was: I had decided.

Desperate to make sure I got a Friday surgery date like I wanted, I called Dr. Cusenz’s office and paid a $525 deposit to secure March 2nd, 2012. It was crazy of me to do: I didn’t even know if I would be financed and I already let go of $525 “wedding dollars” through me and Alek’s joint account that I didn’t know I would get back if I was denied personal loans.

On my drive home that day, I was sweating from thinking about how I was going to tell Alek that we paid a deposit on a surgery we didn’t know if we could afford. I’m the impulsive one – he’s the logical one. I had imagined it in my head: once we were eating dinner, I would casually say, “so, I really wanted to make sure I had the surgery on a Friday, and I really needed to let work know what days I’m going to be gone, so I put a $525 deposit on my surgery.” Alek was still cooking dinner when I got home. Even though I had played it through my head, I walked into the front door, into the kitchen and said, “I did something really dumb and put a big deposit down on my surgery today. And it’s non-refundable!” Alek stood up from putting pork chops in the oven, shrugged, and said, “So? It goes towards the cost of the surgery, right?” Of course it did. That was when I officially gave up trying to predict Alek’s reaction to situations.

I breathed a huge sigh of relief when I was financed for the surgery at $200/month - for several years. This is the price that people who experience a huge weight loss pay. It's a shame that health insurance companies don't pick up any of the tab. What's even more upsetting is the knowledge that if I had decided to go through with gastric bypass (although I never really considered it), skin removal would be covered.

The weeks leading up to my surgery were a blur - I cleaned the house like mad woman and prepared movies and handheld games to keep myself occupied through my recovery. I even set up a "group" on my phone of people Alek needed to text once I was out of surgery. I bought tons of protein shakes and placed everything I would need within reach of the recliner we put in the downstairs living room.

I was surprisingly calm when I arrived at the surgery center. I was quickly called back to the surgical preparation area and donned a surgical gown and anti-embolism stockings. My surgeon came in and drew all over me and the staff put a "mood sticker" on my forehead. The surgical team who would be working on me came over and introduced themselves (there were 8 of them!) and after answering many, many questions, I was finally wheeled into the operating room (after kissing Alek goodbye, of course!). I recall moving myself onto the operating table and then having a mask put over my face. I was told "breathe deep 3 times." I breathed once, twice, and then a third time.... and then everything went dark.

Anti-embolism stockings. I wore these for a week!

I woke up (what I felt was) 2 seconds later and immediately read my vitals. My blood pressure was good and my heart rate was good. But I was VERY nauseous. I didn't even know if there was anyone around who could hear me, but I cleared my throat and said, "I'm nauseous!" - a nurse came immediately and gave me something for it. I looked around the best I could and noticed a woman in a bed next to me who didn't come out of anesthesia yet. Shortly after waking, my surgeon came in and said, "I removed enough skin to make a briefcase! You did well, but your left arm gave us some trouble. You started to bleed too much so we had to close you up quick."

I didn't quite understand what that would mean to me, but I was still feeling sick and groggy. I was anxious to see Alek. Luckily, I didn't wait much longer before I was wheeled into another room where Alek quickly came in and looked me over. He asked how I felt frequently and my answer was always, "nauseous." A nurse came in and gave me benedryl and moved me to an upright chair. I fell asleep in the chair.

I'm not sure how long it was, but eventually I was able to get dressed and head home. I fell asleep during the car ride and vaguely remember walking myself into the house and plopping directly into the recliner and falling asleep again. I slept most of day and stayed awake only for 10 minute increments of "How I Met Your Mother" before falling back to sleep. We had a small scare the first time Alek emptied my drains (I had 4 total). They were mostly blood and I was faint from the anesthesia still. I watched as he poured my blood into the cup and felt my face turn white and my whole body became clammy. My world started to go black and I felt Alek catch me and prop me onto the toilet. We developed 2 rules after that: 1. I was to sit in the toilet while Alek emptied my drains and 2. I wasn't allowed to look at my drains while they were being emptied.

The biggest annoyance was having the drains. They needed to be emptied a couple times a day and I had to wear clothing that buttoned or zipped. Alek joked that the liquid looked like "unicorn piss" and that I was "the Kool-aid Man" but took care of me regardless. Everyday he washed my hair and helped me clean up. He made me breakfast every morning and made sure I had access to quick meals and protein shakes while he was at school or work.

I had several visitors during my recovery - which was great as I am easily bored! I am VERY thankful to the people who sent me flowers, came to visit with balloons (or without balloons - I just appreciated the company!!), and sent me texts/Facebook messages asking how I was feeling. I am so very lucky to be surrounded by so many amazing people!

I am disappointed to mention that due to my left arm "mis-behaving" during surgery, it seems that a revision surgery will be needed to make my left and right arms symmetrical. Due to the bloating and bleeding, the surgeon was not able to match my skin as well as my right arm so there is still a bit of access "jiggle" in my left arm.

Even with this set-back, I would still do it again because I'm worth it and I worked hard for it!

It Started With a Cup of Starbucks and Ended With An Engagement

Since Alek and the English Language are often at odds, obviously it's me - Colleen who is keeping up with this blog. I would like to share a story about a cup of Starbucks Coffee.

It's no secret that I'm an optimistic person. I get excited about a 5:30 AM drive to the gym that features all green lights the whole way. I get a real kick out of pull-through parking spots. I'm a little frazzled sometimes, yes. A little air-headed, definitely. Head in the clouds sometimes? Absolutely. But at the end of the day, I'm going to put a positive spin on an absolute pile of shit. It's just what I do. But life wasn't always that way for me.


I'll start from the beginning...


I was fresh out of High School and just started my first "real" job at a collections agency, Capital Management Services (it was part-time and at night, but I wasn't flipping burgers or cleaning toilets). My parents needed me to get the job to help cover the gap between my State/Federal student assistance and my education costs at Buffalo State. In my own brilliance, I also decided to take on 19 credit hours (more bang for my buck, I figured) in addition to working the 20 hours a week at CMS. To make matters worse, I didn't have a car. My mother was always a 3-11 worker and would so kindly pick me up from CMS and take me back to Buffalo State at the end of our shifts. During that time, I thought "If only I had a car - I would shave off so much time by not waiting for busses or waiting for my Mom." So I got a car.


Bank of America financed my loan, and decided they should also hand an 18 year old a credit card with a $2,000 credit limit. I took it, duh. Buying books alone for 1 semester runs close to $600. But then I needed work clothes. Then gas to get to work. In all honesty, having that job cost me more money than I made. By the time I realized this, it was too late. I had a car to pay for and a maxed out credit card.


Things with Alek and I were stressed. He was still in High School and I was a college woman. I thought I was so smart and "worldly." We fought a lot - mostly over things I can't even remember now. Actually, to be quite honest, I don't remember a lot about the 3 years that followed.


Looking back, Alek and I were both quite depressed. Once we were both at Buffalo State College, we worked at the same place and went to school at the same place. We car-pooled together, even. At midnight, we would finally arrive home and would eat an entire daily allowance of calories in 1 sitting and watch who-knows-what on TV til 2 AM. We fooled ourselves with the notion that we would get up for classes by 9:00 AM. Needless to say, we didn't go often, and we both failed miserably. Alek and I were both on academic probation.


My only real vice was shopping. I would charge outfits that I swore would make me finally feel better about my body (they didn't) and would buy dinner and snacks to no avail (those didn't help either). My finances spiraled out of control and I finally just gave up. In 4 months time, I had 3 charge-offs and 2 on the way. I managed to settle one out but the damage was done.


Things stayed like this for quite some time. I dodged collections calls and developed a coping mechanism which entailed; "What I don't know can't hurt me." Eventually, I enlisted in the help of a Consumer Credit Counseling Agency and made small payments towards my debts. I didn't care about my credit, I just wanted the phone calls to my parents' house to stop!


My grades at Buffalo State College were so poor that all of my financial aid was cut and the entire amount for the semester was due before I could register for classes again. Coming up with $2,000 in a matter of 2 weeks was simply not an option for me, so I dropped out.


I began working full time at CMS but things didn't get much better. I dodged bills and my spending habits were still out of control. My student loan payments came due and I dodged those, too. I reached my all-time high weight of 290 and joked myself with the intention of joining a gym. I went twice.


One night, on the way home from work, Alek and I had a discussion about our future. This talk was memorable because we never talked about our future at all, but this night was different. It was the night we realized we were both very depressed and heading down the wrong path. We both agreed to see our doctors about anti-depressants. As Alek always said of anti-depressants, they are a crutch, not a cure-all. I began to feel better about myself and cared more about my future. I worked out a couple of my bills and went for a promotion to become a Supervisor at Center One.


Since I was feeling a little better, but still needed a nudge, one day I started a "reward" program for myself. In order to be able to buy my favorite drink, an Iced Caramel Macchiato, I had to say one nice thing about myself. And those Iced Caramel Macchiatos were the only thing I was allowed to buy. My lunches were packed at home, and my other spending purchases were at a stand-still.


Even though I was feeling better, and was working towards being more optimistic, Alek was slower to follow suit. As he stayed drudged in his negative emotions, and I began researching ways to become fit and live a healthier life, Alek was still struggling with living day to day life. After 6 years of being together, I couldn't get him to talk about our future. Slowly, I gave up on him. I found reasons to fight with him and we started to grow apart. I figured he didn't plan to stay with me but just didn't have the energy to talk about it.


Although I felt detached from Alek and our relationship was headed south, I still considered him my best friend. So I decided the best thing to do was just be his friend. So I packed up and went to my parents. It lasted all of a few months, and we seen each other very often in between. I missed him, and I missed the way we were before depression had taken us down.


Alek made an honest change and worked hard at digging himself out of his own hole. We actually went on dates and eventually, Alek asked if I would be willing to give our relationship another try. I was reluctant at first. What happened if we fell back into the same hole we were in? What if we were 2 people that were just better off not together? What would happen if we stopped taking anti-depressants?


We ditched the anti-depressants, and much to our surprise, we were fine.


One night, after a great date and a long conversation, Alek and I decided to give it another go. It turned out that while discussing our future, we both discovered that we wanted to be parents, and have the same shared views on what we wanted our lives to be. A few months later, we decided to become husband and wife in our favorite place on Earth (Cancun) during the year of my lucky number (13).


I tell myself that it was the Starbucks Coffee that brought it all on, and I still hold a place in my heart (and cup holder) for my occasional cup of coffee. Although now, I prefer a Venti Iced Americano with Sugar Free Vanilla and Cream and only allow the treat once per week (I have a wedding to pay for!!).


Day after day, I remind myself that happiness isn't a destination, it's a journey. And it isn't something that happens, it's something you decide on. That day, with that cup of Starbucks, I took control of my emotions, my future, and my life. Thanks, Starbucks.